It is quite intimidating when a little old lady asks you to listen to God and share what he said, when she has been hearing his voice clear as day since before I was born.
I must confess that this has felt like the longest week of my life. but it has been such a growing experience that I know I will never forget.
This whole week is about listening to God. it has been such a strange challenge because on one hand God talks through everything (nature, birds, trees, visions, dreams) and on the other he has an audible voice. Confused? good. me too. Though I think I have figured out how God prefers to talk to me. Or at least the way he knows I will listen. That is in one word short phrases, music, and most importantly through other people. But a point that I must out line is that I am still fairly fearful of hearing what God has to say to me. I have no idea why but I do understand that it is a defiant thing I need to and am working on. Some of the things I felt God telling me today are to "stop questioning is that you and just go and do" the reason I think that is because every time I got a thought or anything that was after I asked God a question, I would question if that was really God talking to me. I think he just smiles and laughs when I do that knowing my stubborn heart and mind. the next was Donna asked us to ask God "If you were to play a game with me right now what would it be?" the reply was this. "we would play tag because you suck at that game and I would always catch you. but don't worry I will let you catch me too" I literally started laughing. This thought could not have come from my own mind no matter how funny I like to think I am. Finally after a very lively gal named Dawn spoke to us we had to identify something that was holding us back from hearing Gods voice and from giving his will control over our decision making. Any way I was in a group of 3 other girls and they were all to shy to share first. So I thought for a good 2 minuets and then shared that I felt that anxiety has had a hold over my life. For those of you who know me on a more internment level know that I worry. I worry constantly. I worry about what my day will look like what tomorrow will look like, what my friends are going through if they are ok or not, what burdens they might be carrying, if I am being a good enough person. I worry about all of that. Then on top of that I have always had the strange idea that I could carry other people's burdens for them. I mean obviously I never looked at it as carrying their burdens I looked at it as just being a good friend and helping them out. but it turns out that that had taken a tole on my heart and God had decided today was the day to let it all out. When the girls began to pray over me one girl said "i am only getting one word and that word is release" another girl said "yes I see it too. I also see a heart, its your heart. it is beating so fast and it is so full and God is taking a pin and he is poking a hole in it to let everything out". i instantly began to cry and saw the faces of my friends, the words that have been said to me, the blames I have taken and the blames I have not taken. I kept crying and they kept praying. Becca a lead began to pray one last time. it was a long and so truthful prayer that basically repeated what the other 2 girls had said. when she was done she left to get me a klenex and one of the other girls turned to me and said "god said don't be afraid of crying because I have already forgiven you".
we prayed over the other 2 girls. the first was frustrated because she had no idea what God was telling her at the moment. The other girl refused to share because she wanted to stay put together for the day but ended up breaking down her self. we sat there for a while after praying after the second girl and a lead reminded us that it is good to let things go sometimes. our burdens are not meant to be carried for so long cause we will have a break down. all of a sudden there was a peace that was over all of us. we sat there just in a peace that could not be broken. finally we prayed for our leader and went our separate ways.
i know this post is a bit heaver then what I would usually post but it was something I figured I would share. know that I am happy with all my feline friends and am very happy with how God is poking and proding at my stubbornness.
I must confess that this has felt like the longest week of my life. but it has been such a growing experience that I know I will never forget.
This whole week is about listening to God. it has been such a strange challenge because on one hand God talks through everything (nature, birds, trees, visions, dreams) and on the other he has an audible voice. Confused? good. me too. Though I think I have figured out how God prefers to talk to me. Or at least the way he knows I will listen. That is in one word short phrases, music, and most importantly through other people. But a point that I must out line is that I am still fairly fearful of hearing what God has to say to me. I have no idea why but I do understand that it is a defiant thing I need to and am working on. Some of the things I felt God telling me today are to "stop questioning is that you and just go and do" the reason I think that is because every time I got a thought or anything that was after I asked God a question, I would question if that was really God talking to me. I think he just smiles and laughs when I do that knowing my stubborn heart and mind. the next was Donna asked us to ask God "If you were to play a game with me right now what would it be?" the reply was this. "we would play tag because you suck at that game and I would always catch you. but don't worry I will let you catch me too" I literally started laughing. This thought could not have come from my own mind no matter how funny I like to think I am. Finally after a very lively gal named Dawn spoke to us we had to identify something that was holding us back from hearing Gods voice and from giving his will control over our decision making. Any way I was in a group of 3 other girls and they were all to shy to share first. So I thought for a good 2 minuets and then shared that I felt that anxiety has had a hold over my life. For those of you who know me on a more internment level know that I worry. I worry constantly. I worry about what my day will look like what tomorrow will look like, what my friends are going through if they are ok or not, what burdens they might be carrying, if I am being a good enough person. I worry about all of that. Then on top of that I have always had the strange idea that I could carry other people's burdens for them. I mean obviously I never looked at it as carrying their burdens I looked at it as just being a good friend and helping them out. but it turns out that that had taken a tole on my heart and God had decided today was the day to let it all out. When the girls began to pray over me one girl said "i am only getting one word and that word is release" another girl said "yes I see it too. I also see a heart, its your heart. it is beating so fast and it is so full and God is taking a pin and he is poking a hole in it to let everything out". i instantly began to cry and saw the faces of my friends, the words that have been said to me, the blames I have taken and the blames I have not taken. I kept crying and they kept praying. Becca a lead began to pray one last time. it was a long and so truthful prayer that basically repeated what the other 2 girls had said. when she was done she left to get me a klenex and one of the other girls turned to me and said "god said don't be afraid of crying because I have already forgiven you".
we prayed over the other 2 girls. the first was frustrated because she had no idea what God was telling her at the moment. The other girl refused to share because she wanted to stay put together for the day but ended up breaking down her self. we sat there for a while after praying after the second girl and a lead reminded us that it is good to let things go sometimes. our burdens are not meant to be carried for so long cause we will have a break down. all of a sudden there was a peace that was over all of us. we sat there just in a peace that could not be broken. finally we prayed for our leader and went our separate ways.
i know this post is a bit heaver then what I would usually post but it was something I figured I would share. know that I am happy with all my feline friends and am very happy with how God is poking and proding at my stubbornness.
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