self worth

Truly the hardest thing for Christians today to discover is that God loves them. I mean we hear it all the time growing up, from Sunday school songs such as "Jesus loves me" to camp speakers drilling in the seed that there is a God who indeed loves us like a good father. This weeks speaker a guy named Matt Nealson has been talking on the subject of freedom. that we are not victims  And that millions of lives were assigned to us and because of our birth right through Jesus Christ we have the responsibility to act on Gods behalf. But in order to do what our original design calls up to do we much break through the strong holds that hold us back in life. I wont lie this has been one of the toughest weeks here in the sense that I had to not only identify my insecurity's but also my fears of rejection and things that I didn't even know I had in me. I mean even after I had gotten all these words of encouragement from my Nepal team members I found my self only seeing the negative in them and soon realized it was "the enemy"  coming in and trying to destroy all that God had planed for me.
It is so strange hearing myself talk and hearing the difference in my vocabulary. The difference in which I see the world and what truths are being to be spoken.
The feelings of rejection and passivity that I did know I had I thought were just apart of me and who I am. That I had always been quiet and always been a little awkward in social situations. BUT, that is a lie. in fact it is a lie from the "enemy" The truth is God made me with such a social spirit and the idea that I am awkward in social situations stops me from being social. We learned the 4Rs that must be used to get rid of this train of thought and release our full potential that God created in us. First you must Repent for agreeing with the enemy and his lies that you are anything but what God created you. Things like anxiety and bad mood and rejection don't come from God because he is holy and love. So that can only mean it comes from Satan. now if you are reading this and kind of thinking "man this chick is crazy saying that the fact that I have anxiety is from the devil" then you are totally right. I think I'm crazy for saying these things and using this language but that is what is so messed up with our modern culture is that we have the freedom of speech as long as it is the right kind of speech. But we will come back to that.
So after you have done the first R Repent you then Receive Gods forgiveness. This is instant, and don't worry about making this prayer all fancy it is supposed to be just simple. after you Receive then you Rebuke the enemy. He has no more control over your life and sometimes you will have to repeat what you are rebuking a couple times till you really believe you have rebuked the lie Satan has put in your life. finally you Replace. Replace the lie with the truth about your original design and that God gave you with. The reason these 4Rs are so important is because God has put so much worth in you why would he not want to see it lived out. the last Day matt spoke we had worship in the morning. I found my self yet again moved by the Holy spirit. I got this picture of a man washing my feet from where I sat in the pavilion and as I did one of our school leads garbed the mic and talk about he felt God saying that Jesus came to wash our feet to humble himself before us even though we do not deserve it. As this is happening one of my outreach leaders sat down next to me and told me how God gave her a vision. a man was pouring a bag of diamonds onto a table before Jesus and the diamonds took up the whole table and accumulated into this massive pile. Jesus looked at them and said that sierra is still worth more to me than even that.
I sat there thinking why? that is the only thought that could come to my head. till that point I had no clue how little value I had put on my self, how little self worth I had. But here I was sitting on the ground in my class room and Jesus was telling me that I sierra lavada lee am so totally worthy of all He wants to give me. So the only appropriate response is to give him all and everything back.